Monthly Archives: November 2013

The Legend of Crowley Bloodborne: Beginnings and Endings

 

   Hey guys, I’ve been doing a lot of writing the past few days, tonight especially.  A few months back  I wrote the first part of an origin story for my Pathfinder character, the rogue pirate Crowley Bloodborne.  If you haven’t read it yet, it’s in the archives for May, you’re going to want to read that part first before you read this new story, which really is a continuation off of the previous origin story, and you get to see how a runaway from the desert became the pirate Crowley Bloodborne, also where he got the monkey from and why it’s special will be answered in this part of the story as well.   Well, without further adieu, here’s the second half of the Crowley Bloodborne origin story.  Let me know what you guys think, and I’m sure more adventures with this character are on the way.

 

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The Legend of Crowley Bloodborne Part 2: Beginnings and Endings

 

Chapter 1: The Second Death of Emir Zavala

 

I’d been living my new life as Bloodborne for two years now, going from town to town, spreading chaos in my black and red robes, with my flair for the dramatic; no one could ever have thought that the fearsome Bloodborne was merely a 13 year old runaway from the streets of Kelesh.   I was honoring Szuriel, the Black Angel of War for giving me a new life, literally by doing her bidding, spread a bit of chaos over here, an assassination there, over the past several months I’d gotten quite good at killing, worst part was, and I started to like it. 

Like all good things it came to an end rather abruptly.  It was going to be a simple assassination, a military captain,  but I let myself get distracted when looking at my target, and saw the woman he was with was my sister Ali, whom I hadn’t seen since I renounced my old life two years prior, and who’d grown into quite a beautiful young woman.  Instead of hitting my target I shot the person standing to the right of the Captain.  Didn’t catch his name I’m afraid, but my gunshell certainly did.  His blood spattered over the Captain, and Ali screamed.  She pointed up at my location, and screamed ‘Assassin!’

I tried making an escape for it, but unfortunately for me, the Captain was just about as quick as I was, chased after me blood-spattered and all, I don’t blame the man, I’d have done anything to protect my sister if the tables were turned.  As it stands though I was tackled to the ground, and beaten unconscious.

Next thing I know, I’m chained up in a dungeon somewhere, as a bucket of cold water splashes me in my face, bringing me back to the land of the living, once again. 

“Wake up, murderer!”

“Ah, good morning my friends…” I look around, trying to assess the situation, trying to find a way out of this.

“Love what you’ve done to the place…very cozy, inviting.  The chains on the wall are a nice touch.”

“You shut your mouth murderer! It’s about time we caught you, you’re the one that’s been killing people all across Casmaron the past few years.  Blood guy”

I looked at the jailer, offended.  I’m trying to spread a legacy of chaos here, and I gave myself a pretty distinct name I thought.

“It’s Bloodborne. as in borne  in blood.”

“Bloodborne, blood guy, whatever.  According to this girl in the other room says your name is Emir, also the only reason you weren’t executed on the spot by the way, your head’s worth a fine bit of coin.”

“Ali is here?”

“Bring her in.” the jailer exclaimed, and a face I thought I’d never see again, my sister Ali, now a grown woman, but still as beautiful as I remembered her.

“Emir…is that you?   Bless the stars it is you!”  She ran over and hugged me, a little too tight for having broken ribs.

“Owowowowow….I missed you too sis, but can you lay off the ribs?  I kind of got my ass kicked on the way over here.”

SMACK!, I felt her slap me right across the face, not that I could do anything about it what with my arms being in chained of course.

“What happened to you?  You’re a murderer now?! We were all worried about you, and you turn out to be nothing but a common killer?!”

“Common?  Really? And yes, I am a killer now, this is my life now, I was given a new lease on life by the Horseman Szuriel, and this is what I do now, a killer borne of blood, Bloodbo..”

“Shut up Emir….you’ve been out in the desert far too long. Now, let’s get you cleaned up and get you out of here, we’re going home.”

“Just like that…like the jailer said, I’m a highly valued killer, worth more dead than alive, the fearsome Bloodbor…”

“When you’re the head of the largest clothing manufacturing stores in all of Kelesh you have a little pull, and when your fiancé is Captain Crowley Van Straith, close to head of the Taldan Imperial Navy, your pull gets increased by a bit., Now Emir, we’re getting you cleaned up, and taking you home, right now. Guards!”

The guards came in and released my chains, and I collapsed to the ground, it’d been a rough couple of weeks since I last had any food, that’s why I was trying to take out her fiancé, a highly wealthy individual whose identity remained secret to me had hired me to take him out.

I was dragged to a water hole, where they allowed me to clean up, and gave me some new clothes, compliments of my sister.  I admired myself in the mirror, a sharp pair of artisan’s pants and a red shirt.

“You’ve really outdone yourself with this outfit, my sister. You deserve to run the business, I never really had an eye for clothes, more so for trouble.”

“We’re all very aware of that, talent my brother.  Just be glad I was here to bail you out…it’s just like when you were 10 and you tried stealing some candy from the shop.  You couldn’t resist telling everyone in town that you were a master thief.”

“Hey, I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids.”

“No, even if the Imodae temple junior watchdogs group hadn’t gotten you caught, you would have gotten yourself caught.” Always having to spread your name wherever you go, you should be like us, let your work speak for yourself.  That’s all that matters in life, is what you do, not who did it.”

“You have a point, Ali.” I said as I exited the room, and hugged my long lost sister. “I’ll change from this point on, no more Bloodborne, just me, Emir, I’m coming home. “

“I’m so glad to hear that Emir, Father will be so relieved that you’re alive. I won’t tell him about the murdering thing, if you do indeed swear that that is behind you.”  And we walked down the prison courtyard towards the gate.

“It is, just seeing you makes me want to forget all the bad things I’ve done the past two years, and start over.”

“That’s good to hear my brother, I love..”  And at that moment she was struck in the throat by a crossbow, a piece of parchment saying, No Failures.  My sister collapsed to the ground, and I caught her in my arms.

“Ali?  Ali?  No, this can’t be happening, you can’t be dead, you can’t be! “ And that’s the last thing I remember from that moment, I blacked out, not even in a murderous sea of red like usual, I died too that day, that was the second death of Emir Zavala. 

I remember the funeral, back in Kelesh, my Father couldn’t even look me in the eyes, he’d already lost my mother it seems to the Desert Sickness, as it was called, and now this, and he knew right from the start that it was my fault.  

Afterwards, at her life celebration, he punched me, right in the jaw, bringing me back to reality for the first time in 48 hours.

“You, you did this…! You killed my baby girl!”

“No, father, it was an assassin!”

“An assassin that killed her because you failed in your job, he snorted.  Even in being a murderous thug you’re a failure. I was glad when you left, your mother, and sister, they missed you…but I knew that you were not cut out for this, you were a failure at clothes making, a failure as an assassin, and you got your sister, killed.”

“Father, I …”

“I am not your father…not anymore…my son died out in the desert two years ago, now get out, and never return to Kelesh again….I banish you! 

I went back into shock mode, and started walking away from the town’s center, and shortly thereafter, out of town, wearing the last outfit my sister had given to me.  And that was the second death of Emir Zavala, and the rebirth of Bloodborne.

 

 

 

 

 

       Chapter 2-The Path of Revenge Leads To an Unexpected Reuniting

I returned to Kaladay, and put on my black and red robes of Bloodborne once more.  I would find my sister’s killer if it was the last thing I do.   In the plays, this would be the part where the murderer reveals himself, to speed up Act II to make for an exciting conclusion.  But this not being a simple story, I spent weeks, than months in Kaladay, and the surrounding areas talking to all my underworld contacts, not even a slight lead as to who hired me in the first place, let alone who shot an arrow through my sister’s heart.  

Despondent, I took up drinking far more than I ever should have, and found myself more frequently than not, going from bar to bar, until one day I walked into the Parched Parchment, one of the newer bars in Kaladay, it must have been, because I hadn’t been banned from that bar yet.  And it was in that bar that I saw another face from my past, and one that would change my future forever.  It was the slave girl I’d freed in my first act as Bloodborne a couple of years ago, now a beautiful woman, with these piercing blue eyes that she definitely did not have last time.  I think she recognized me first, because she leapt over the bar, and gave me a hug that nearly crushed me, which was surprising from her small frame, the girl had some strength to her.

“It’s you, I can’t believe it’s really you…Bloodborne lives!” 

“It is, and I do.” I felt the slightest bit alive again, well better than I had been in months. A year maybe, you don’t keep track of time when you’re in grief.

“I don’t believe I managed to get your name when I last saw you, granted I was in a bit of a rush to leave.”

“Kara, my name is Kara”

“That is a lovely name, lovelier than I’ve heard in quite some time.”  I was still in awestruck by her beauty, purple hair, like she had dipped her hair into the sweetest of  grape wines. And the blue eyes, which were definitely not there last time but this was the same girl.

“Your eyes, they are absolutely gorgeous.”

“Thank you, they aren’t anything special in reality, I got these false lenses put in, when I dyed my hair, you know, to give myself a fresh start in this city.”

“Well the new look looks amazing on you, Bloodborne definitely approves.”

“Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?”

“I….did. I’m slipping up, I’m sorry….it hasn’t been the best of years for me.”

“I do believe you could use a drink.”

“Yes, yes I do.” And from there she went back behind the empty bar, and poured me a tall glass of mead, and I told her my story.

            Chapter 3- A New Chance at Life

  The moment I walked into that bar, it was the start of a whole new  life for me,  I still spent my nights searching for my sister’s killer, but my days spent with Kara were another story entirely. I wasn’t Emir any longer though, I took the name of my sister’s fiancé, Crowley as a way to make myself be a better man than Emir, or Bloodborne ever could have been.  I tended the bar with her, and  we built a nice life for ourselves. 

Occasionally my dreams would be visited by Szuriel, nightmares really, her threatening to destroy my life a third time, this was not what she brought me back for all of that, but at that point I didn’t care, not anymore.  Emir was dead, Crowley was just getting started. 

We were in the market place one day, before the bar opened up when we came across a vendor selling exotic animals.  And she saw this small monkey, and instantly fell in love with it. 

“Awww, look at the cute little monkey!”

“He’s ok, I suppose, nothing special.”

“You take that back Crowley  Bloodborne!,  this is the cutest monkey ever, and we are taking him home with us!”

“What. I thought you said no pets before.”

“I meant nothing common, those get boring…but this guy, he’s something special.”

“Hmmm…fine, how much for the monkey?” I asked the vendor.

“Three platinum pieces.” Said the Dwarven Vendor.

“Three platinum…are you serious?”

“Yup, well it’s not like you can just walk down the street and get yourself a monkey here in Kaladay now can you?”

“Nope, you sure can’t.” Kara said, looking at me with those eyes, knowing I’d give in at this point.

“Fine, we’ll get the monkey.”

 I handed the dwarf the three platinum pieces, and he unlocked the cage.  The monkey leapt directly onto my shoulders, and started pulling on my hair.

“Ow, what the…Kara you better calm your monkey!”

“Aww…he likes you.”

“Stupid monkey…I mean…it’s okay buddy, we’ve got you now.”

“What should we call him?”

“How about Kong?” Taking a name of a large ape from a story I’d read about in my childhood in Kelesh.

“I love it, Crowley Bloodborne, you just met your new best friend.”

“Maybe, well after you of course.” And I leaned in to kiss her and Kong climbed down and got in my face, and I kissed the monkey instead.

“Dammit Kong!”

The months turned into almost two years that I was there, still no word on the murderer, and I don’t want to say that I didn’t care at that point, but I was happy.  Me, Kara, and Kong there became a happy family, and not too long after, we got married, in a beautiful ceremony.  Well, mostly beautiful, except for while I was getting ready, a familiar sound from my nightmares had returned behind me.

“Szuriel, so nice to see you. I’m sorry I forgot to send out the crow for your invite, you probably would have just eaten the crow anyway.”

“You mock me, my champion?  You dare mock the almighty Angel Szuriel, Horseman of the Apocalypse, and Bringer of War?!” As she said that her eyes went blacker than I’d ever seen them, even in my time in Abaddon as a boy.

“I’m not your champion anymore, I’m just a guy now.  Trying to live a normal, simple life. That extra stuff, wanting a legacy, doing your bidding, got my sister killed.”

“A small price to pay in the big picture.” Szuriel said, and smiled, showing her raggedy teeth.

“The big picture?  Things might have been different if you just told me who killed her, and brought him to me so I can flay him alive. “

“Your vengeance is not my priority.”

“And this is why I’m not doing this anymore, I’m not going to get anyone else I care about killed.”

“Oh, you just wait and see about that one…Crowley Bloodborne…you will see.” 

And with that, she vanished, and I thought that was going to be the end of it, and I could live a normal life.  As with anything when you make deals with demons, angels even, it’s never over though.   Other than that little incident though, the ceremony went off without a hitch.  Her idea of Kong being the ring bearer was a great touch.  And then as in usual stories, we got married, and then a year later, a child was born.  A girl, which I named Ali after my sister, one way I could honor her memory.  Well that and not be a murderous asshole anymore, but mostly the naming my daughter after her thing.   Everything was coming up Bloodbornes at least until one day two years after the wedding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Chapter 4: It Hits the Fan

“Misster Bloodborne, as I live and breathe!” I heard the voice when I walked into our bar to find Kara tied up by a big Goblin I used to know called Crushem, since that what he liked to do to his victim’s skulls.  And I recognized the voice as Mr. Stitch, a Kobold mercenary I used to do business with.

“And here I thought you were…Deceassssed.”  He liked to use words that allowed him to hiss when he talked, he thought it was more menacing to make up for his diminutive stature, being only a foot tall lizard creature, also why he worked with the goblin.

“In a sense I was lizard, I’m done doing dirty work for whoever has a few sacks of gold.”

“I am not a lizard, I am a Kobold, and proud of it! Don’t think you can jussst walk away from this life, you know who really paysssss ussss!

“Szuriel, I should have figured.  Why can’t the almighty horseman just come down hersssself, and talk to me?” I said, throwing in a few extra ess sounds to pissss off Mr. Stitch.

Mr. Stitch growled, “The lady hassss more important things to do than deal with employees who don’t live up to their end of the bargain.”  “Do you think you were her firssssst champion?”

“Well I gave that up, I told her that. It’s not like she helped me find my sister’s killer.”

“That’sssss not her priority.  Vengeance is not chaos, learn the differenssse…and love it. Now, Crowley…you’re calling yourssself thessse daysss?  You will come with us.  We already have your child, she’ll make a fine sssacrifice to our dark angel, now won’t she!”

“You touch her and I’ll…”Kong started to scream and throw his feces at Mr. Stitch, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You little shit…I will sssnap that monkey’s neck and eat it for dinner.”

“What, not a ssssnack?” I replied back, and then my amazing wife managed to untie herself from the ropes, which is what she signaled me to ssstall…dammit, he’s got me doing it now, stall the two demonically hired rent a thugs while she could do that.  She smashed the chair over Crushem’s head, and then Kong had leapt off my shoulder and grabbed Mr. Stitch by the throat.

“Hey…..*cough* C’mon Crowley, I’m sure we can make a deal here.” 

“Yeah now you want to make a deal, that’s jussst what I thought Stitch…ya  jackass.”

“You can tell Szuriel that she can stay in hell for all I care, I’m out, and I’m done with this. Matter of fact, you can tell her yourself.  Kong…finish him!”

“Wait Crowley, you can’t….we don’t even have your daughter. C’mon sspare m..”

And with that Kong had snapped the neck of the diminutive dumbass of a thug.

Kara ran over to me and kissed me deeply.

“I’m so proud of you baby, and you gave up that life. You don’t need vengeance anymore, you have us now.”

“Yeah, you’re right, and that’s all I need.”  I kissed her again, for what would be the last time, as a shadowy claw ripped through Kara Bloodborne at that point.

She fell, and a large shadow demon stood where she was standing, and a bit above where she was standing, this thing was huge. It opened where a mouth would normally be, on a non-shadow creature, and spoke in a dark and deep voice.

“Like we told you Crowley…no failures.” 

“Grrraahh!” I screamed and slashed at the shadow demon, but being incorporeal, it did nothing.

“Szurieeeelll!” I will destroy you, personally!

“Szuriel….you think we work for her?   Our master is so much more powerful than she ever was, or will be.  We do have your daughter, that will make up for our investment in you, feel free to go back to your “normal life”  at this point.  Don’t bother trying to find us, you won’t see us again.”

I screamed again, and then I ran upstairs to our home above the bar, searching it for Ali, but she was gone.  These things whoever they are destroyed my life, again.  I went back downstairs, and found Kong pulling on Kara’s hair, trying to wake her up, but she was gone.  I picked Kong up.

“I know buddy, she’s gone now.  I will find those bastards that did this, and I will make them pay, one way, or another they will pay.  I picked up my wife’s body, and laid her upstairs in our bed.  I kissed her one final time, and then I picked up her blue contacts that were in her box on the shelf, and put them in my own eyes, one last thing to remember her by.  I started to douse the place in torch oil, to give her a fitting send off, and as the last bit of good that was ever in me burned away.  I took Kong, and we walked out the door, and out of Kaladay, forever.

 

        

 

 

 

EPILOGUE 1

I was back in Abaddon again in my dreams, but this time, it was not a nightmare.  I kneeled before Szuriel on her throne. 

“I apologize for doubting you before, milady.  And for disrespecting you.  You returned me from the dead when I was a boy to spread chaos, not to live a normal life with a family.  I will honor  that, but I will have my vengeance against whomever it was that destroyed my life.”

“And as long as your spread chaos on your way while you attain your vengeance you are more than welcome to kill every person on the planet if you have to.”  

“And I will if I have to, Lady Szuriel, I am your champion.”

“Excellent.” She smiled her raggedy smile. “I’ll be in touch with you.”

 

EPILOGUE 2-6 Months Later

I returned to Kaladay one last time,  using a disguise kit I’d acquired recently, as far as this town knows, I died in that fire with Kara.  I normally would never go back here again, but there’s a ship here that I need to take, to start step 2 of The Legend Of Crowley Bloodborne.  I walked over to the ship, the Black Dragon, and walked onboard, and walked over to the Captain, Captain Skull.  And yes, before you ask, that was his name, he wasn’t the most clever of pirates ever.

“Excuse me good sir, I would like to purchase this vessel.”

Captain Skull looked at me and laughed.  “This vessel is not for sale, and surely not to a four eyed desert rat like yourself.  Stick to your own kind, landlubber.”

“Desert rat?  I’m assuming you mean my darker complexion, then yes, I was from there…but now the sea calls my name, and I will have this vessel!”

“Over my dead body.”

“If that’s what you wish”, and I stabbed him with my father’s dagger. 

The crew looked astonished, and was ready to draw their weapons, but then I pulled the rapier from the Captain’s belt, and held it aloft.  While also removing the stage makeup I had on. 

“Crew of the Black Dragon, this ship is now under the property of Captain Crowley Bloodborne! Do you have any objections to this?  For if you do, you can discuss your issues with me just like I did with your former Captain Skull over here!

“No, sir!” The crew shouted.

“That’s what I like to hear, alright boys, set sail, got some vengeance to dish out, some chaos to spread, and a world to tell of the legend of Crowley Bloodborne!    And so the legend begins….

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Thoughts on Religion (this may offend you)

 

   I was at first going to leave this as just a tweet, but then the more I thought on it, the more I had to say.  I’ve been attending a church for the past few months, and for the first time today, in actually a long time I was legitimately offended.  In church, go figure.  I didn’t think it was possible for anything to offend me, other than maybe people that call the lead character of Doctor Who, or just straight up ignorant people, that’s it like two pet peeves, out of an infinite number of things that people can and will get offended over.  What had offended me, deeply, into my core was the subject of the talk today, that basically all religions, but Christianity have elements of truth to them, but basically are just false when you break it down.  Of course, the talk was then peppered at the end with a statement of, but that’s just my opinion, go and form your own truth (but really this is the right one). 

Now, I never grew up with religion.  I was aware of it sure, I went to a bible day care when I was, must have been five, maybe 6, most likely 7 or 8, where we made popsicle stick crosses and learned about Jesus and such, but that was the extent of it.  But faith was never really something discussed growing up.  I prayed for the most part, but that was it. 

In my twenties, I tried Wiccan out for a bit, didn’t really stick with me either, what did stick with me from all these experiences was that, it seemed like all the religions of the world had a small piece of a cosmic puzzle, and the actual truth out there is some combination of everything, there, to me is a higher power out there, I’ve experienced that much in my life, but all these books were written by men, thousands of years ago, with their own beliefs and ideas at the time, would explain why the book of Revelation has a lot of references to the Roman empire being taken down, because Christanity was going through a lot of troubles at their hands, and they wanted to see a comeuppance, and their beliefs to be shown true and for the days of persecution and enslavement to be over. 

  And of course there’s also the Christian appropriation of the pagan winter and spring holidays, that’s basically common knowledge by this point, but it’s kind of glossed over, like yeah that does mean that really, and that does too, but, Jesus’s birthday everyone!

I attended a legit church on a regular basis for the first time last year when my ex girlfriend took me to the church she goes to with her family, Vineyard church, and it was a different experience than I’d ever had before, the music was contemporary, the thoughts and beliefs that were spoken never came off too preachy and there was a sense of community that I fell in love with, and I looked forward to attending every Sunday.  

 Then in February of this year she got tired of my crap and broke up with me, and I haven’t attended that church since, but I did find another Vineyard church, convienently enough right across the street from my apartment complex, and I liked it again, the sense of community of being a good person, and  the big ‘g’ God felt like something that was good again. Until today anyway.  I’ve got friends with a lot of different beliefs, some believe in nothing at all, some believe in God, some put their beliefs into other gods that have since over the years turned to mythology and fiction, but their beliefs are strong nonetheless.   And to me, that’s okay, I believe what I believe and that to me is a good thing.  And to others, it’s your opinion, and that’s okay too.  I’m expected to believe that religion basically comes down to one of these things is not like the other, if you don’t choose right you’re going to hell?  No, I refuse to accept that that’s what it all comes down to.  

  My belief, when you really break it down is that there’s something out there, we have no idea what it is, it takes many faces, man, woman, well gender’s really irrelevant, but it makes this thought of this all powerful higher being a little less scary, that’s how I see it.  For all I know we all could be wrong, and afterwords when we die, it’ll be a whole new surprise, I’m hoping there’s something after this, because just the thought of this being it and then nothing is scary.  But not so scary that I’ll persecute or call someone out who believes that that they’re wrong.   So basically just be a good person, care about others, love your enemies, take the good things that Jesus may have said, and live your life, find what the truth is for you, because when it comes to stuff like this, this kind of truth is subjective.   If they’d said just that in church today I’d have been fine, and I wouldn’t be writing this now.  But then again, maybe that’s the lesson in this, who knows?

 

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My Name is Crowley Bloodborne, a Pathfinder story

So, I just had a great day of a Saturday playing the table top rpg Pathfinder with my friends.  It’s one of the geekiest things about me aside from the comic collection and borderline obsession with Star Wars and Doctor Who, but it’s a lot of fun, and I really don’t care what anyone thinks, anyway.  One of the best parts to me about table top rpg playing, as opposed to video games (which I also love) and other types of gaming is you don’t have that creative aspect to it.  And for aspiring writers like myself, sometimes that’s all the inspiration you need. 

 A few months back I wrote a short story about a part of my character’s backstory, I’d intended to write more on that tonight, but when my fingers hit the keyboard when I returned back home, I instead wrote an account of what happened in the game today, well mostly anyway, but from the egotistical perspective of my character, one rogue pirate Mr. Crowley Bloodborne.  Basically take a dash of Sterling Archer, by way of Flynn Rider with a bit of Deadpool and The Joker, with just a slight bit of Captain Jack Sparrow and that’s like a third of Crowley’s personality, and that’s what makes the character so fun to play with, and write for, so when I started writing, I did not intend to write a full seven page story, that took me like three hours to write, but once he gets in your head he’s hard to get out.  Well, without further adieu, here’s my latest Crowley Bloodborne story, hope you enjoy it.

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  My name is Crowley Bloodborne.  Perhaps you’ve heard of me, rogue, pirate, lover, killer in my life I’ve been all of these things and more.  But one title I never even dreamed of becoming is now true.  Crowley Bloodborne, Mayor of Eastbrook.   My group of dare I say, friends, my monkey companion, and I have recently taken over this town in the midst of our quest given to us by our respective deities, to destroy the forces, and eventually in time the goddess herself Iomadae.  I forget the specifics as to why after these many months travelling, but that matters not.  When your deity, God, Goddess, whomever, or whatever you believe in, tells you to do something, you do it.  If you value your life of course, and I certainly do.   After all, she saved me from certain death years ago as a boy, cast off into a pit to die by some marauders as a sacrifice to their deity.   But Szuriel, the horseman…horsewoman? Of War saw something special in me that day, and brought me back as her champion, to spread chaos and war throughout the realms.

It’s been quite the journey I tell you, going from an unknown son of a fabric salesman in Kelesh, the not crown jewel of the desert, to rogue, eventual pirate.  Some call me a desert pirate, judging me on my dark hair and appearance, but I did get to sail the seas before, was Captain for a time, but that story is for another time.   

 To the story at hand we had arrived at this town of Eastbrook, on a, I don’t want to say vision but I had a feeling that this was where we should go next after escaping in a prison break, that’s a story for itself, but suffice to say when you’re in a group of assassins, murderers, thieves and criminals you’re going to find yourself in prison at some point..  How long you remain in prison, well that’s up to you. 

But suffice to say we arrived at this town, and I went promptly to the bar, you may call someone who drinks rum before ten am a drunkard, but in my line of work it just comes with the territory…pirate, remember?  I’d talked to the bartender there, who pointed me in the direction of their leader, the Mayor.  As Mayors are often want to do, he needed some help, a recovering of this precious box of his, and in return he would pay me, well my companions and me, but mostly myself.   So, I gathered up my companions, a foot tall Kobold lizard sniper, named Gunter Snipe, a dark elf, called a Drau woman, and Atalanta, a frog like creature who’s proven her worth many a time in our journey.  There’s a Kitsune monk in the group as well, but he’s been lost in a meditation state since we escaped the prison. 

Not too far from the town, we encountered the cave where the Mayor’s precious cargo had gotten off to.  We journeyed in, and encountered a large group of bugbears, large bearlike creatures that walk like men. Their prey normally is creatures that can experience true fear and terror.  But after you’ve died twice, and had your soul taken from your body…which I still need to get back by the way, sorry, sidetracked…it’s a little hard to be afraid of these things.   

We battled from the shadows at first, using our arrows, sniper rifles, anything to keep them at bay, as even though I was not scared of them…not in the slightest bit, I don’t want to find out on what it’s like to die without a soul.  It was a tough fight, but I got impatient after a while, and decided to use one of  my remaining wishes I’d acquired from my Blade of Luck, an item I’d gotten in the prison, which has helped myself out of a jam before.  I could always use money, so I’d wished, very carefully that the remaining bugbears were turned into coin.  You have to be careful with wishes you see; very careful wording or you could end up getting exactly what you don’t want.  For all I know, I could have said my wish for the creatures to be gold, and ended up with a mass of gold statues, way too heavy to carry out of that cave.  Or who knows what else could have happened?  But, as I was careful, the battle was at once over, and my travelling band of miscreants and I were a little bit richer for our troubles.  

I’d acquired the box that the mayor was looking for, but was unable to open it, as despite my years of being a professional criminal lock picking was not something that I had to do, I had people for that always.  And that proved to be the case in this instance to, as Gunter was able to pick the lock, and what valuable treasure did we risk our lives for?   Three cigars.  Three stinking cigars.  We’d been played, and if there’s one person you don’t play, it’s Crowley Bloodborne. 

I concocted a revenge scheme to get this mayor taken care of, we would keep one of the cigars, stuff it with some potent drug Atalanta had acquired during our brief prison stay, in addition to framing the mayor in a sex scandal, and it was going to be brilliant.   So, we’d made our way back into the town, passing by the temple of Iomadae that the Drau had attempted to burn down earlier, and I made a mental note that we would need to destroy that place later on, after I’d gotten my revenge of course.   So, while the Drau distracted the Mayor’s attendant, I’d barged into the Mayor’s office, holding the chest with his “precious cargo”, which I tossed onto his desk.

 

“I’ve got your treasure back, Mister Mayor!  Was a bit of a challenge, almost died over this box you know.”

“Oh, that’s great news Mister Crowley, great news indeed”

“Why don’t we have a cigar to celebrate this great victory?”

“Well of course, do you have any cigars handy?”

“I know what’s in the box Mayor, you had us risk our lives for cigars?! “ (He didn’t need to know that the battle was over not too long after it started, I’d been played, dammit)

“Ah, yes…well you see, the cigars weren’t really the treasure; I don’t even smoke to be honest with you. It was a test, to see if I can trust you. “

“As if you can’t trust me, the great pirate Crowley Bloodborne…oh, ok, I can see that the pirate thing doesn’t exactly lend itself to honesty…”

“And actually, I was wondering if you could help me, this town has become overrun with these Iomadae worship, always going on about Truth, and Justice and all this stuff…the whole town being broke thing, that’s cause of me.”

“Well, sir I like your style, and to think I wanted to have you framed, humiliated, and maybe beheaded later on for double crossing me.”

“Come again for Mayor Fudge?”

“….It’s not important now, what’s important is that you and I, we have similar goals, my friends and I were already planning on blowing up that temple anyway, so we are back on the same page here, all I ask in return is…”

“Already have that covered, son. “  The Mayor said as he opened a cabinet revealing more jewels than I’d ever seen in my life, about 52 of them to be exact.   What, I haven’t seen a lot of jewels in my time, even as a pirate it’s mostly all gold these days.”  Just five of them bought my Kobold friend three buildings in the town, one of which I’d had ideas for a Crowley Bloodborne, Legendary Rogue Pirate merchandise store.  After all, who hasn’t heard of me?

The people in this town, for one.”

…Yet, that haven’t heard of me, yet at this point. But I digress; you want the story, so I’m giving you the story.  I left the Mayor’s office, and talked to my Drau friend, about the new plan.  “Yeah, the Mayor’s on our side, he wants to kill the Iomadae worshippers too” I said in the Common tongue, and the Mayor’s right hand man and bodyguard, who’s name I didn’t catch coming in, overheard me, and immediately bolted for the door.  I attempted a chase, but he was too far gone…the kid could run. 

“Okay, so new plan”, I discussed with the Drau in Elven, so no one else could pick up the conversation, “ We blow up the temple of Iomadae,  like the idea was before, but now we have official sanction, from the Mayor, and I , I mean we are getting paid for it.”

“Sounds great, so when do we start?”

“Tonight/”

Upon returning to the abandoned building across from the church, future site of the Crowley Bloodborne store, or CBB as the Kobold referred to it, it was catchy I admit.  I sent him out to the town to acquire some explosives, fireworks, anything that went boom that we could use on the church that night.  Explosions look cooler at night; I can’t explain it, its science. 

But night soon fell, and the Kobold had come back empty handed, it seems that none of the townsfolk either had explosives for sale, or wanted to sell them to a Kobold, either way it was time to improvise. Again.

Gunter perched himself at the window of the building across the street from the temple, rifle at the ready, and the Drau and I waited out back near the broken window caused by her Molotov cocktail the previous night.   Atalanta sat perched up on a roof fifteen feet above the rest of us, keeping lookout and waiting the signal, which Gunter would soon provide us with. 

 One of Gunter’s boons that his deity had given him was the ability to summon a a fairly large ant, but not control it other than one command.   As we waited to hear the signal, presumably that of a large ant crashing through the front door of a building, Atalanta picked up something off in the distance, a rumbling at town hall.

“Citizens of Eastbrook, you have been lied  to, you have been deceived, well the deceiver shall deceive you no more, there is a New Order taking over..”

Now me not having super hearing, or just from years of cannon fire ringing in my ears, I did not notice that at all, but what I did notice was the distinct crash of  an ant bursting through a door.   It was on like my monkey Kong.  I tossed up my grappling hook, and climbed up into the broken window, along with my friends.  Once we got inside it was a terrific sight of three  Paladins, three holy knight warriors duking it out with a gigantic ant, well it wasn’t quite gigantic, about the size of a carriage, but compared to the size of a normal ant, that’s pretty freakin huge. I fired at one of the Paladins with my crossbow, injuring him, and then I waited to see what the ant would do next, which as it turns out, was die.  After the Paladin struck the killing blow on the ant it disappeared, as if it was never there, but the hole in the building would seem to say otherwise.  It was time to kick some ass.   The Drau had leaped into combat with the Paladins, along with her fighter companion wielding two Scimitars he must have acquired from my home country or somewhere near that desert land.

  I never just do anything the easy way, I was going to use my acrobatic skills which I’d perfected over the years during a brief period with a travelling circus (a story for another day) and something I hadn’t done in a while. I did an awesome, you should have seen it type forward flip combo, landing in front of one of the holy Knights and stabbing him in the neck with a piece of broken glass.  Now the Drau and her companion may have weakened the knight before I got down there, and the ant too, but I was the one that took him out.  

 The battle didn’t  last too much longer after that, and soon enough, the knights were dead, and I used my monkey’s innate ability to throw his own poo at things to create enough fertilizer of sorts to set this place ablaze, after we had destroyed the Iomadae symbol of course, crushing it on top of the broken bodies of the knights.   We walked out into the night as the building burned behind us, I’ll always picture that memory of us in slow motion, with a cool song behind it, but in actuality we were probably moving pretty quickly as Kong’s poo is quite flammable.  

 It was at that point, outside the building, that I finally noticed the ruckus at the Town Center, the entire town was gathered around, as the Mayor’s bodyguard was yelling about a new order that was taking over, his I was assuming, seeing as he had the former Mayor’s head on a spear he was waving about.   Atalanta and Gunter maneuvered themselves onto nearby rooftops with their rifle and bow at the ready respectively.  The Drau, her fighter and I walked over to the crowd, and tried to blend in unnoticed.  But soon the “bodyguard” noticed us.

“It was them, they are the villains in league with the Mayor that wanted to kill each and every one of you! Who are you anyway?”

“Really, you have no idea…I am Crowley Bl..”The Drau covered my mouth, preventing me from reminding them of my greatness

“I am…” The Drau paused for a moment, trying to think of an alias, the others are more careful with revealing themselves  “Dan Animals”, giving them the name of an unusual yet capable Iomadae knight that we had encountered at the start of our journey.

“And who are your companions?”  The Iomadae high priestess, who was watching in the back along with a handful of Paladins

“The Funky Bunch.” I stated, thinking of the first name that came to mind, we would have to be more careful with our identities at this point, outnumbered by about 200 people or so, if a battle erupted, it would not go so smoothly for us.

“Dan Animals, and The Funky Bunch”, the High Priestess said yet again.

“Surely you’ve heard of us.” I said with a grin. “Cacaw!” I tried signaling Gunter to fire his rifle, but he had forgotten the signal it would seem.  “Cacaw!”  Still nothing

The Drau said “Don’t mind him, that’s just a cough he’s come down with.”

“You are ill?” The High Priestess asked

“The illest.” Again with the smile, it’s what I do, sue me. “Sorry, just a cough I’d picked up on this long journey, “Cacough!”

At that point Gunter had remembered the signal, or just heard me finally, either way a shot rang out hitting the former bodyguard turned assassin.

“Murderers! The bodyguard shouted, brothers and sisters of Iomadae, who will stand and fight with me?” The towns people had scattered at this point from the gunfire, and the paladins and the high priestess just took a step back.  Iomadae worshippers worshipped truth, and justice, what this man had did was just as disgusting to them as what we had done.

“Who will stand with…” He never got to finish his sentence, as one of Atalanta’s arrows had pierced his throat, and he fell to the ground below, dead.

“Well, that was rather unfortunate.  You lot, you “Funky Bunch” leave this town now and never return, we have much work to do here in the name of our goddess Iomadae.

“Thank you for your offer”,  The Drau said, and I started to turn and walk away, our mission was finished there, there was nothing to prove by fighting more Paladins and a high priestess, who knows what kind of powers she had access too?

“Thank you for your offer, but we’re not leaving….it’s you who will be.” The Drau had told the high preiestess, defiantly.   “Well damn…” I thought .  The Drau’s fighter companion charged forth and started to attack one of the Paladins with his twin scimitars.  Another had tried to attack my person, but fell over.  I walked over to him, grabbed my Blade of Luck, and stabbed him, it’s good for more than just wishes. 

The battle itself was long and brutal, not the deadliest fight we’d ever gotten ourselves  into but it was tough.  The high priestess had The Drau immobilized using a holding spell for a good portion of it, but eventually  the “good guys”, well the bad guys really, but I’m telling this story so we’re heroes in my book. 

And in the eyes of the townsfolk as well, the poor deluded bastards.”

Yeah, them too.  After the battle was over, the Paladins dead, the High Priestess merely unconscious, the towns people that had actually came back to witness the fight asked me to speak, which is all one really has to do to get me going,

“People of Eastbrook, your Mayor was brutally murdered by one of his own, and then the representatives of your goddess did nothing to help you, where is Iomadae now I ask you?  Nowhere to be found I will tell you that, certainly not here, in Eastbrook tonight.  But  you know who was here, I Crowley Bloodborne, was here.  And I fought for you, no, we,…The Funky Bunch, we fought for you tonight.  So cast off this relic of the past, this Iomadae, she has brought you nothing, but pain, death, and destruction.  Go live your life, do whatever you want, call it chaos…whatever, I call it life!, Now I cannot stay here, in this town, but know that I have eyes,  I have ears, we will be watching, and if you ever need us again…”

The Drau pulled me to the side, “We can’t just leave this town like this, I know we’re not heroes, but still, we’re not heartless…well most of us aren’t anyway, she looked over at the Kobold and Atalanta, both of whom were just slightly more chaotic in their approach to evil than the rest of us.  And besides, this could be a great base of operations for us. “

I thought about it for a second, she did raise a good point. It would be fantastic after years of searching and wandering to have an actual home, the wandering rogue act has served me well, but you can’t do this forever.   Fine, I decided, we will stay here, in this town, and  you, my Drau friend will run for Mayor.

“I’d love to have that kind of power, but I’ve got some other plans in mind for this town, and our priestess “friend” over here, why don’t you run for office, and I can keep an eye on things from the brothel I’ll open up.”    “Pretty genius idea, I like it,” I said. 

I don’t even know why I bothered saying I was going to run for office the townsfolk just basically gave me the position right there on the spot.    And there you have my story, oh lady Szuriel.

Szuriel looked back at me with those pitch black eyes and raggedy teeth, wings black as pitch, flapping in the breeze.

“So, my Agent of Chaos, my Champion, settling down…leading a town….this I did not foresee.”

“Neither did I my lady, but sometimes the best way to inject war and chaos is to do it from the inside.”

“I suppose so, but let me warn you my Champion.  Don’t let yourself get attached to these people, chaos is a singleminded mindset, one cannot afford to have attachments, as you’ve learned from the past…remember the girl, what was her name…”

“Don’t say her name…you don’t dare speak of that!”

Szuriel merely smiled back at me, with those sharp and jagged teeth.   “That’s a great bit of emotion for someone without a soul, my Champion.  Just remember, I can always replace you…after all, it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“No, no….you’re right. You’re…right. Now I’ve just got one question for you Szuriel…where’s my soul?

“Quid pro quo my dear Champion, there’s something you need to do for me first, and it so happens both our problems are in the same place…tell me, have you ever heard of the Bottle of the Bound?”

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A dog chasing cars…

 

   So I was in the car with my Dad earlier this week, and I say, it’s crazy how fast the year has gone by.  He replied, I know, you know that’s a sign you’re getting old, he said jokingly.  And I laughed, cause it’s funny but as the great philosopher Homer Simpson once noted, ‘It’s funny cause it’s true.’  Now, I’m only 33, but that’s still old to some, I’m the oldest in a lot of my social circles, mostly on account of being in the Navy seven years, and when you’re a seven year E-3, the most of the people that you’re allowed to socialize with in your paygrade are among the ages of 18-23 let’s just say on average.   But this is ok, because I can still pass, appearance wise for mid 20’s (thank you six pound, five ounce baby Jesus) and I’m well versed in Will Ferrel quotes, so I was bound to make friends in those circles. 

   I got out last year, and kind of bounced around jobs since then, starting a new career path though going to be selling life insurance, and it’s to be honest not something I ever imagined I’d do, never really had much of a mind for anything practical before, but as I sit and look back on the past 33, almost 34 years, I always kind of figured that by this point I’d have an idea of what’s going on, a plan for life, a family maybe like I’ll say a good third of the people I know, settled down, careers, families all that stuff.  

 

  I mean it’s not as if I don’t want that, I was married before too, but I didn’t have the right mindset then for that, it was all about me then, as it is now, but that’s just cause I’m single, which there are pros and cons with that as well.  Admittedly it is nice not to have to watch dumb reality shows, and know way more than anyone should know about what’s going on on Grey’s Anatomy, but at the same time, yeah it’s kind of lonely.  I always figured, in my younger, (slightly) less intelligent days that by a certain point in life everything just clicks and bam, you’re an adult, you have plans and goals and you know exactly what’s going on.    But the reality is that Adult button is pushed on you, and you have bills, and responsibilities, but no real clue beyond that other than work job, to pay bills, to pay taxes, to get food, sleep, shower, and repeat.   I wish there was some kind of strategy guide for this stuff, hell a cheat code wouldn’t be too shabby either.   So I just jump up twice, spin around, kick, then punch twice and I get infinite money, sweet.

 

  That’s apparently not that case (dammit) , but then again I don’t think anybody really has a clue what’s going on, and if they do, they’re lying.  It’s just a big mass thing of chaos, everyone faking it til it becomes real, or so I like to believe anyway.  Cause I haven’t the slightest clue, to quote Heath Ledger’s Joker, I’m just a dog chasing cars…if I caught one, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.    And that’s basically the truth, congrats to all of you who make it look like you have a clue, cause I know I don’t.   Hell, maybe 43 that button will sink in and I’ll know what’s going on. I’ll get back to you on that one, but chances are I doubt it. 

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Thor: The Dark World Review, and Marvel geek ramblings

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       Comic book movies have certainly come a long way, well let me clarify, comic movies based on Marvel properties have certainly come a long way in the past almost twenty years, starting in 1998 with the movie based on the unlikely to ever get made into a badass movie ‘Blade’, which in turn ironically enough they later changed the comic depiction to look more like Wesley Snipes and in turn made that B list character, while still B list, but an interesting B list character.   We went from the godawful 1990 Captain America movie, in which Captain America and the Red Skull, while in the film, are only barely shown in their iconic looks from the comics, huh, reminds me a lot of this summer’s Iron Man 3, which for a film called Iron Man 3, certainly didn’t feature a lot of Iron Man in it.  To compare that’d be like if this movie Thor was stuck in his sometimes alter ego from the comics, the crippled physician Dr. Donald Blake for half the movie, thankfully that was not the case.

     I loved the previous Thor movie that Kenneth Branagh had directed two years ago, it had a nice blend of action, comedy, drama, and romance basically everything you need in a comic book based movie to capture a full wide audience.  And I’d never even really been all too interested in the character prior to the movie for the most part, sure I was aware of him, I’ve been reading comics, mostly Marvel ones at that since I could read, but Thor never really appealed to me with all the ‘I say thee Nays’, and other such faux Shakespearean-esque dialogue that Stan Lee had originally wrote the character with, it kind of bored me, people said it was good but I didn’t see the appeal, kind of like college football to me personally. 

  But the movie managed to capture my attention, and not just as a placeholder building up to the The Avengers movie, and it did a good job of that too.  So when it came time for the inevitable sequel, I was genuinely excited to see this movie, so much so I contemplated on going to the all day marathon at my local AMC theater, with the first movie and The Avengers, but I decided against it, since I already had those movies on dvd.  But I did go to the 8:00 pm showing of Thor:The Dark World, because I’m not passing that one up. 

  Sidenote: Let me just say that I absolutely love that movie theaters are doing 8:00 screenings of big movies now, along with the already established midnight show tradition.  I saw midnight showings for both The Dark Knight, and The Incredible Hulk, while I was still in the Navy, and it was brutal at work the next day both times, totally worth it, but if they had an earlier option then I gladly would have taken it.

 

    Thor: The Dark World takes place about two years after the events of the first movie, and I’m assuming fitting in storywise after Iron Man 3 as well, seeing as the Agents of SHIELD show takes place after that time frame and they’re doing a tie in episode in a few weeks ( I can almost see the little corner note on the ‘cover’ of the issue saying Thor 2 continues in this issue)  The Rainbow Bridge has been repaired (due to the return of the Tesseract to Asgard, not mentioned in the movie but in the tie in prequal comic, which I thought was pretty awesome, and made sense, since the Tesseract opening looked exactly like the Rainbow Bridge teleportation, which leads me to still hold on to my theory that the Red Skull was merely teleported to Asgard at the end of the first Cap flick, so we should expect him back at some point, maybe even in the next, awesome as hell looking movie Captain America: The Winter Soldier, just sayin’.

   But I digress, so Thor’s busy battling it out across the nine realms bringing peace to the universe, and we get to see the last battle of that, which you also saw in most of the commericials of the movie, against one of the Stone Men, that featured in the comics not too long ago in the Planet Hulk storyline.   Loki’s in his magic, clear walled prison, since that’s the thing now is put bad guys in clear prisons…and good guys too (see Man of Steel)  spending most of his time reading, cause reading is fundamental. 

  Meanwhile on earth, Dr. Jane Foster (played by Natalie Portman) and her intern Darcy (Kat Dennings), are researching some energy trails in London, England, and happen to stumble across this energy field of sorts called the Aether, which awakens the villains of this picture, the Dark Elves and their leader, Malakith (Christopher “The NInth Doctor” Eccleston”) from their ages old slumber, and they proceed to start wrecking shit until they get their hands on this stuff, which has the ability to unmake the universe somehow.  On thinking back on it now, it reminded me of the planet destroying matter that Nero had in the Star Trek reboot.      To sum up this plot summary without getting into spoiler territory, Thor shows up, takes Jane to Asgard, where she has one of the most awkward meet the parents of the person you’re dating moments in history, and the bad guys show up, wreck more shit, and then Thor has to team up with his untrustworthy stepbrother Loki to find a way to the Dark World, where they have to go to to be able to destroy the matter and stop the once and former Doctor from exterminating existence. 

 

   The good: There’s a lot of good in this movie, starting off with the fangirls’ favorite Loki as played by Tom HIddleston, he absolutely steals every scene he’s in, definitely the best villain that the Marvel Cinematic Universe has come across yet, he just kills it.   Also the cast all around has great places to shine, Chris Hemsworth pretty much is Thor as much as RDJ is Iron Man, even when I read the comics those are the voices that are in my head, they define the roles perfectly.   Kat Dennings is cute and funny as the last one, and her and Natalie Portman, especially Natalie Portman get more to do in this film than the last time, which is great.  Director Alan Taylor of Game of Thrones and other HBO shows fame managed to make the movie with more heart  and humor than the last one, without the humor turning the movie into a dumb comedy.  

 

  The bad: The villains are especially one note, there’s not really a whole lot for Christoper Eccleston to do but show up, scowl, say something in dark elvish and occasionally English and await his defeat more or less, and also I wasn’t a big fan of the use of Lost’s Adewale Akkinuyoye-Agabaje as Algrim/Kurse, sure he looked cool, but once he’s transformed into Kurse, not too far into the movie, a dark elf powerhouse type monster, he’s essentially like a badass version of the dogfaced henchmen from The Fifth Element 

 And lastly I was hoping to get more Sif and the Warriors Three in this movie, they’re barely in it this time out, and one of my favorite actors Zachary Levi from TV’s Chuck took over for Josh (Once upon a Time) Dallas as Fandral, so I was hoping to have more Chuck vs. The Dark Elves type action. 

 

  Some flaws aside it’s still a great time at the movies, and be sure to stick around past the credits as with all Marvel movies, this time especially, there’s two sequences this time, no spoilers but one of them sets up the next part of Marvel action, unlike in Iron Man 3, which you stick around the credits to get a dumb joke sequence.   I’ll give it a four out of five Mjolnirs.   

 

  So what did you guys think of the movie, feel free to leave me a comment here, or check me out on either twitter or Facebook, @MichaelKeskeys on twitter, and just Mike Keskeys on facebook.  I’d love to get some geek discussion going on.  Or, if you want to read some of my classic reviews, check out http://www.smartpopcorn.com, I used to write under the alias Reel American Hero.  So, in tradition with that, till next time guys be sure to keep it Reel.

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10 Terms and things I’m glad never to hear again, (after being in the Navy)

 

  Hello all, 

 As of a few weeks ago it’s been exactly a year since I finished up my time of service, seven years in the Navy, with one deployment, seven visits to Souda Bay, Crete,  2 surprisingly awesome years in Great Lakes, a lot of boredom, a heavy dash of bullshit, and an even heavier dash of bad life choices, it was definitely a life changer.  That being said, there are many terms that one hears on a daily basis that I am glad to never…..as Chris Jericho would say, EEEEVVVVVVERRRR hear….again.   And I thought I’d share a few of those with you, Allons-y

  1. Duty

  2. Muster

 3. Field Day

 4. Hurry up and wait

  5. Watch

  6. Balls to four

  7. Shipmate, which to the non enlisted person, you’d think it would mean co worker, fellow mate aboard this ship, but to those that served, we all actually know it translates roughly to douchebag.  As in  “Hey douchebag, what do you think you’re doing”?

8. Bulkhead, and deck.   As it relates to buildings that aren’t part of a ship, i.e. buildings….when you’re on land….especially in nowhere near an ocean, Illinois, those are walls and floors.    Walls…..and floors..

9. Black is blue….now, I passed my color blindness test in boot camp, I’m pretty sure I can tell the difference between black and blue…and that my friend is the color black. 

10.   I’m really sure there’s more, but ten would make a nice even number, wouldn’t it, it would make sense, but as this is relating to the Navy, nothing ever makes sense in the Navy so we’re leaving off at 9. 

 

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